As I write these first few words, I know that this will be the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. I’m not starting with an outline, and I haven’t decided in what depth I will write. Only that I write with heavy emotion.
Let’s start on a positive note and explain why I haven’t written for so long. Some of you may know that I’ve been involved in coaching a youth competitive climbing team for quite a while—actually, for over six years now. Almost all of the kids on the team are now a bit older now, and I’ve been coaching them since or before COVID. I feel like they’ve grown up with me. And I’ve certainly grown with them.
In September, I took over management of the climbing gym where they train. I knew beforehand that there was a lot of work to get the gym cleaned up and on track to where I thought it needed to be. My goal is to have the cleanest, safest, most positive space possible for these kids and the climbing community in Fairbanks. I’m continuing to work tirelessly to meet my high standards.
I fully expected to take a break from photography and writing, not knowing exactly how long it would take to reach a point where I would feel comfortable returning. I am at a place where I can start to ease back into them. You may have recently seen my announcement of changing my newsletter to Substack. The primary reason for that change is that I have to spend less time on administrative backend tasks when I have time to sit and write.
Unfortunately, lurking in the background was something that I missed. I’m not sure exactly how to go about writing about this, so here it goes . . .
Late last year, my wife, whom I love and adore, informed me that she wanted to go our separate ways. I was, and am, truly devastated. It’s been hard to chew. We love each other very much and tell each other as much—even today. But, as of the 1st of this year, I have been living in a tiny dry cabin in Fairbanks by myself.
I’m only here until the end of the month before I need to find a place of my own, and it’s gut-wrenching. As everyone knows now, housing is incredibly expensive, and with my current position at the gym, it’s not possible to take up a second job. Of course, not making enough time for life is partially what got me into this mess.
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I still hold on to tremendous amounts of hope. The decision to divorce hasn’t yet been made, and I hope to give my all to making our marriage work when and if she is ready. I know she has been struggling, too; this hasn’t been easy for anyone.
Throughout my life, I’ve channeled my emotional energy into creativity, whether through photography, writing, or just holding on to the youthful person I know I will always be, despite turning 44 years old today. I know in my heart that positive things will come out of this situation. They already have.
Yet, it doesn’t stop the hurt. It doesn’t quell the anxiety that I can’t always be there to support the person I love more than anything, the person I would do anything for.
I wish everyone the best 2025 has to offer. I am enormously thankful to my friends, family, readers, and followers for all the support you have given me, including all the support in the last few weeks. I am incredibly thankful to my wife for always making me want to be the absolute best version of myself and for continuing to be my friend through all this.
Thank you all.
-Lee
